As promised I figured I'd tell some bad date stories. But before going into the tales, I need to put out a bit of back story. After I moved out of the house, and I was in my very first apartment, I was faced with so many new choices and decisions to make. It was overwhelming but exciting. Sad and yet I had to move forward. I had already reached a place of acceptance with being single again, and I wanted to meet some new people and see what happened. So here I was thrown into the world of internet dating. Some place I never thought I'd be.
Anyway, after a few months of talking to people online I realized several things. Many men are only interested in online sex chat (which by the way, is the dumbest thing ever. How is that hot? How is that even remotely a turn on?) or many of them are married and lying about it, or dating and lying about it. It's funny(and not) how many men claim to be single but really aren't. In the process of all this, I met a seemingly normal nice guy..remember what I said about all things being GREAT on paper..yeah....
After talking online for a while, and then talking on the phone, he seemed stable to me, no red flags, a dad with a daughter, has shared custody, seemed normal. So we decided to meet for coffee. (Starbucks must be like an Achilles heel for me in terms of dating...every date I've met there has gone south. Mental note: pick another place.)
So he was 20 minutes late. He texted me as such so I did wait. He was pretty good looking and again, pretty nice. So we talked or should I say, he talked for most of the date, and it was all about him - his "business" which sounded a lot like a pyramid scheme even though he kept saying over and over again, "it's not a pyramid scheme"...which of course convinced me that's exactly what it was. So in an effort to engage and try and find out who this guy is I went with a couple of standards. Music and books. Easy ones right? Like who DOESN'T like music and who DOESN'T read?
I ask him - "what kind of music do you listen to?"
he says, "Well, I don't really listen to a lot of music." RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG....
he asks me, "you tell me, what are some of the bands you listen to?"
This is easy for me of course. So I start naming off some standards.
"oh, I love all kinds of music. rock, pop, jazz, R&B, hard rock...you know Bruce Springsteen, The black Crowes, old AC/DC, Al Greene, Aretha Franklin to Clark Terry..."
Now, his response will forever shock me. I've told this story many times and it still amazes the fuck out of me.
He says, "hmmm...I don't really recognize any of those artists you mention."
Ok, I could understand MAYBE had I said things like Over the Rhine, Kings of Leon, David Gray, Nickel Creek, but ARETHA FRANKLIN??? AL GREEN??? AC/DC??? At that moment it felt like someone had just taken a knife and stabbed me right in the heart. Or punched my heart. Either way I was wounded. I immediately started to work out how I could leave the date without it being obvious. Like would it be bad if I just ran screaming out the door??
So then he goes, "That Aretha Franklin, they call her the Queen of Soul..Why is that?" ALARMS SOUNDING, ALARMS SOUNDING - GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE......
I had also mentioned Whitesnake..I mean they are still good and Christ David Coverdale can sing like nobody's business..and I was grasping for anything..He goes, "oh yea I like Whitesnake!"
YES! I'm figuring ok, 80's rock I can roll with this..."David Coverdale is amazing isn't he?"
"Who's that?" RED FLAG!!!! RED FLAG!!! RED FLAG!!!
So I had to explain "that's the lead singer of Whitesnake." (sigh)
I decided to abandon the music ship cause obviously this would never amount to anything. So I figured books. Can't go wrong with books.
"What's the last book you read?"
"Oh I don't read much, I really just read self help books, you know ,self improvement books cause I"m always trying to be a better person. that's my focus always. Bettering myself."
LEAVE NOW!!! LEAVE NOW!!! This is what the voice in my head is screaming....I was exhausted. I mean who the fuck doesn't read?!?! Like not even magazines? The newspaper? NOTHING?!?! No genre of fiction or biography or anything peaked his interest. He was all about himself and was a "self contained unit".
At that point I had to leave to pick up Abby, THANK GOD, so I made my exit vowing to never speak to him again.
I called my mom and told her about the date. I could tell she was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Well he seems nice..maybe you could introduce him to some of the music you like and you could learn together."
"MOM, I am NOT looking to teach someone the HISTORY OF MUSIC!!! i mean COME ON, AL GREEN?!?!"
She finally gave in and goes, "(sigh) yeah that's weird."
That whole date was a life lesson. Learning what you will and won't put up with in a relationship. I could never, and would never be with someone who has no concept of where music started, where its going, and why its wonderful. Music is a lifeline, a backdrop to all of life's events. How many of us can pinpoint events in our lives just by hearing one song?? There are so many things that have happened to me and to others that have been mirrored by one song or another. To this day it still happens. I can't imagine living - no existing in a world with no music. It pains me to even think of it.
Don't you worry, this is not the last date story....there are more to come. Like I said, be thankful its me and not you. :)
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