Odds and Ends

I'll state the caveat now - if the following makes little or no sense I'm sorry. My brain is a little jumbled this evening. Time to purge..

Since the "dog date" as I'll refer to it from now on, I have received some odd messages off of a dating site I'm on. I didn't know that I was attractive to religious zealots. I clearly have on my profile that I'm laughing about religion. So this guy, who lives in PA mind you, (not near CT by a long shot) basically goes on and on about how he hopes to find the woman of his dreams, and he wants an honest down to earth woman who is god-fearing, yadda,yadda.
He tells me I'm beautiful and lovely and several other adjectives that are nice. The whole message reads weird and he writes it all in caps. Which reads to me like he's yelling at me. No thanks. I decide to check his profile to see what he's about. He flat out states that "prostitutes and homosexuals" need to steer clear. WHAT?!?!
Being the kind person that I am, I wrote back. I hate when I message a guy and he never responds. so I say, "Thanks for the kind words, but I don't think we'd be a good match. Good Luck in your search". Nice right? Not to much, but still being honest.
He writes back " We could be a match, can you tell me why you think we wouldn't be??"
My first thought - YOU ASKED FOR IT.
So i told him he's to far, to religious, and that if he has a problem with homosexuals then he has a problem with me cause some of my dearest friends are gay. He wrote back this "thanks for the observation.bye". I wanted to say good riddance. Such intolerance and ignorance is beyond me. I don't get it, never will. Then the next question hits me - WHY is THIS what I attract?!?! I have a few other choice comments saved up for the next religious nut bag who messages me.

I want to move forward and yet I want to go back. Part of me is tired. Part of me is excited. and part of me just wants to be with Bruce and that one is the worst cause I can't have that. I realized today to that I'm pissed that he's not fighting for me. If he misses me, and the idea of me dating bothers him, then why isn't he fighting for us? I guess he can't, won't...I"m not sure which it is. I have to move on. I have to let him go. Sure we can be friends, but if I'm going to find the happiness I'm looking for, I need to look for it without him. and if after a year or whatever we are both still single and he has more time, maybe then...or maybe not. I just don't have an answer or solution that satisfies me. That hurts on a mental as well as an emotional level because I honestly thought I'd be doing it all with him. I don't like feeling like I'm in quicksand.

On another note, my daughter is turning 4 this month. That is also on my mind a lot. Age, time, where does it go. She's getting older, so am I and so are my parents. I see changes in them and I'm sure they see plenty in me. So Abby is all about her birthday and turning 4 and being a "big girl". I want her to stay small, stay little don't grow up so fast. Don't become the leader just yet. Be carefree for as long as you can.

Cause as I was telling my friend A the other day, we were all great 20 years ago...then life hit us in the face and everything changed.