Permanent Ink

So I'm finally getting a tattoo. Yup. After years of thinking about it, picturing it in my head, and talking about it, I made the appointment. For many years I figured I'd never get one cause I'd never be able to decide on what to get. I didn't want to just get anything and then years later someone asks me about it.."Hey why'd you get that tat?" and my response is "I don't know, I was sorta drunk and it seemed like a good idea." yea, that's no way to make a decision about something permanent on your body. After I had my peanut, I was convinced I wanted one. No more wavering. I set a goal - by the time I'm 40. (Hey tats cost money kids.) Plus I figured that would give me time to decide what I wanted, and where I wanted it. I knew I wanted something to represent my peanut. She is everything to me. sun, moon, stars. A few weeks ago, I was with a girlfriend who is getting one, and I went with her to make her appointment. While standing there, listening to them talk, I decided...fuck it. What am I waiting for? You know you want this. Go for it. So I made an appointment for myself. It will likely hurt, I'll cry and laugh, will probably have to pee midway through, it will cost to much, and I'll stress over placement. But so what? I want something to represent my daughter and my love for her. I've chosen a dragon. Inspiration comes from a dragon necklace I bought at a renaissance faire which I totally love. (I can hear my sister laughing right now. Huzzah!!) It is supposed to be a representation of Grendel, the dragon in the epic tale of Beowolf. I've always felt Grendal was wronged. She was protecting her young. I know, as a mother, if someone ever harmed my child, and god forbid caused her death I would become the vigilante hunter. There is no greater pain than the loss of a child - I would seek restitution. So the protective nature of dragons appeals to me. As for how to get abby in the picture - she suggested a rose. So it may be a dragon wrapped around a rose. We shall see. I'm culling pictures and I have one hanging on my fridge that I stare at daily. I love it every time I look at it. I figure if i still love it in another month, that's the one. As for where...I don't know. I want to be able to see it. My arm? my back? Unsure. I realize this is an important decision. No moving placement around once its started. So i'm trying to figure that out. Its become more and more important to me as the years pass. Not sure why, I just know that my child is everything to me. I asked my dad what he thought and his sage words of advice were, "Well...you have to live with it." Thanks dad. My mom is creeped out and afraid of disease regardless of the advances in sanitary disposal and cleaning of needles. She is convinced that I will contract some horrible infection, disease, life threatening illness. Doesn't matter how clean I told her the place is, how professional, that I know people who have gone to this artist..nope. No convincing her otherwise. I love the way parents think. I know, that some day my child will eye roll me, and sigh or shake her in head in exasperation over some dumb comment I've made. I'll back up some long held conviction and she'll look at me and go "WHAT?!" I know this cause I do this now to my own parents. I love them with all my heart. Defend them forever and do anything for them. But when I hear them say things that have no basis in reality I can't help but laugh and be like, "really?" But that is the way it is when we get older. Personally I'm excited at the prospect of getting old, being obnoxious and wearing crazy clothes, and people will laugh at me, get mad but ultimately go, "sigh, well she's old." Being a child or an old person can help you get away with anything.