Love is hard

That's a song title by James Morrison - the title is pretty self explanatory. Love does just what he says it does. Rips you up and spits you out.

For those of you who've watched "The Way we Were" you know how it ends right? The two lovers of different political leanings and backgrounds, who loved each other fiercely and with passion don't end up together. Every time I watch that movie I hope for a different result. I know the ending, I even understand WHY they can't be together. But I always want it to turn out differently. It never does. "Carlito's Way" is another movie in which I always want the end to turn out better. I want Carlito to live in paradise with his woman, to be the kind of man he feels he is in his heart. But they won't let him have that. I guess lately I've been hoping for a different outcome to my love life and amazingly enough it has yet to happen. lol. Luckily I can still laugh about it. Otherwise I'd be in the fetal position on the floor. I'm a pretty confident woman but things still rock me sometimes in ways that I don't expect.
On a related note, I saw the ex boyfriend today for the first time in 3 months. He looks good, and it was as comfortable as it always has been. My daughter was with me, and of course his kids were there. We had a fun, fun day together. You'd swear we were a family the way we all talk and joke with each other. The comfort level of things is so lovely and hard to match. How do connections like that happen? It's tough for my mind to overcome the fact that we aren't "together". I am frustrated beyond measure that I can't have that with him all the time. We broke up for a reason and yet everyday it feels like the dumbest thing ever. My heart hurts because I can't make the situation bend the way I want it to. We admittedly miss each other. I don't think I've ever felt quite this frustrated in my entire life. Seriously. How is it that what I want in life is right in front of me and I can't have it? I feel like the fucking greyhound going after the rabbit.
I have no idea what to do, or how to fix this. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I suppose everyone feels that way. I just would like to have a direction you know? Just once.