So here we are. A week away from Thanksgiving. November did not start out the way I had thought it would. The very last saturday in October ushered in Storm Alfred. Oh the joys of living in New England...A Noreaster of epic preportions that dumped many inches of heavy, wet snow. Since the trees hadn't lost their foliage, this resulted in downed trees, power lines and of courses outages. Our office was without power for a week. I didn't have power for about a week myself. It was so odd to wake up and not go in to work. I got a fair amount of cleaning done, but it still seemed wrong even though logically I knew I could do nothing about it.
I spent a lot of time at my parents house (they survived me and I survived them thank god) and we all talked about power outages and processes, etc. My dad having been a lineman, I remember what it was like to watch the snow come down and know my dad was out in it, fixing things in the cold, making things better for people. It was hard sometimes cause I just wanted him home. But he had to work. Sometimes he'd be gone for 3 or 4 days and I'd ask my mom, "When's dad coming home?" and she would shrug and say "I'm not sure, maybe tonight." So over the week without power, we talked about things, remincesed and I spent time preaching the truth to my facebook friends. Everyone was angry and mad about not having power and were demanding it be fixed asap. I get why everyone was frustrated, i totally do. Not having power blows. But I have always tried to view it in this manner - I have a home. I have blankets, and sweaters, and water, and food...what about all those people braving a horrible storm who have nothing? Who have no place to live? So, I count myself lucky. Dad told me a couple of interesting stories from his line days. One in particular I thought was interesting. He was working one Thanksgiving. (which by the way he did a lot back in the day - being on call was no joke - you get called, day or night, 7pm, 3am you went in) He went out to a house to fix a connection. The husband came out of his house, and started yelling at my dad. "Boy you must just LOVE this! working on a holiday! What are they paying you? Triple time for this? Unbelievable what they pay you guys!" blah, blah, the guy went on and on. Can you imagine? He's just trying to do a job. But see this is the thing that gets me mental about power outages. People get pissed about the situation, but who takes the brunt of the customers anger? the guy on the street. It doesn't matter how you cloak your frustrations, ultimately thats who you are mad at. Fix it faster, fix it now we of little patience these days... So anyway, my dad looked at the guy and said, "Is your family in there? Are you having thanksgiving dinner? Sir, I'm just trying to fix this and get home to MY FAMILY. Don't you think I'd like to be home right now?" Apparently the guys wife came out of her house and ripped her husband a new one. Good for her I say. Bottom line - we all made it. Abby was a complete trooper and never complained once. Kid is amazing.
School is going great for her. There are hiccups along the way, which I expected. My child has done one or two things at school that surprised me. The good stuff - that's what you expect from your kid. It's the wierd, semi- bad behavior that always throws ya. One day she was hot in the classroom. So she took off her jumper and hung out in her shirt and tights. Then refused to put the jumper back on. Who does that?!? I couldn't help but read the teachers email and be like WHAT? Why is my child being so willful? I guess it's what 5 year olds do but still...and of course the grandparents all laugh and think it's just hysterical. That's what grandparents are supposed to do I've come to find out. Spoil them and laugh and do whatever they want for their grandkids. So amusing. HA. So we all had a talk with Abby about not taking clothes off at school. You'd think it would be a given but apparently no. sigh.
Then most recently my daughter turned to another kid in school and said "I'm going to punch you in the head." Again another moment where I read the teachers email and just was like WTF?! I guess when questioned she said "I thought it was funny". Ok, on what planet? Maybe while watching Spongebob, or some other wierd cartoon she got the idea that it was ok to bop someone on the head. So then we launch into a discussion about why that wasn't funny, why you never hit someone or threaten. She felt bad, but still said she just thought it was funny. sigh again. I mean she's never seen behavior of that kind exhibited anywhere! One of my friends suggested it was good that she at least warned the kid before she was about to pummel him...luckily she didn't get the chance. She's willful, determined, smart, hates change, and a bit sneaky. But overall, she has a big heart and loves people. She just gets very frustrated when things don't come easy to her. She expects she should just know how to do everything perfectly the first time around with no practice. - I wish. I wish I already knew how to do all the things I dream up. Like you wake up one day and automatically have the skills to perform difficult martial arts manuevers, or play guitar like Zappa or sing like Ella. She will learn that practice is a part of life and not everything is easy. In fact very little in life is easy.
It's so hard to parent to that perfectionism though cause I was never like that. Not that I didn't have expectations for myself, but I just accepted early on that everything was going to be work for me. I always knew that I'd have to study, I'd have to double check things, I'd have to use my fingers to add. Not to say I'm not smart, I'm damn smart, but I'm not gifted in that knowledge is hard fought for me. It's not an automatic feed.
Parenting is fun, and stressful and can be overwhelming. A friend of ours just announced they are pregnant with their 6th child! I was floored. I have enough issues handling the 1 kid never mind 6! It baffles me how parents do it. But I guess you just figure it out. What's one more kid after you've had 3? I have a great close friend who has a kid older than Abby, and we trade stories and marvel at how much alike our kids are even though their ages are so far apart - Abby at kindergarten the other a 4th grader. But it makes me feel better to see a glimpse of what the road ahead is like. It's comforting to know that she will navigate the challenging things, she will move forward - she will somehow, even if she hates it, adapt to changing landscapes. You try so hard not to fuck up your kids. You make night time vows that you'll be different than your parents. Your parents try and save you from making the same mistakes they made but guess what? You're likely going to make a whole set of brand spankin' new mistakes. They won't be the same ones as your parents made with you, cause you've already lived through those and have vowed never to repeat them. But the ones you make now will be all your own. I try to be sure they are small..I'm trying not to "go big" on the number of years my kid will be in therapy.
I've also dipped my toes back into dating. Oh for the love...it's got worse I think. It's been three years since I've done the online dating thing and frankly I think the pool from which I'm looking is worse. lol. I mean if you go on a date with a man isn't there some expectation of decency? Like wouldn't it be common courtesy to be fucking sober for your date? One would think so...apparently not. he admitted to doing shots and such with a friend at Chili's before our date. Nice. So I get a half lit half wit by the time I show up. It doesn't matter that you look good or smell nice, You could be the hottest guy ever but if you're drunk - no thanks. so that was interesting. Then, on another occasion, I was driving to meet someone for a date, and while they are attempting to help you with directions, on the phone, they proceed to yell at you. "HOW could you have missed that turn? What's WRONG WITH YOU?" wow. I didn't realize that Hitler was still dating. I mean COME.ON. and if another guy asks me what my chest size is, or what I like to do in bed I might just scream. While those things are important, I want a man to want to actually KNOW ME. Someone who wants to know who I am. I didn't think I was asking for to much but apparently I might be. I might need a break from all the idiocy out there. The thing is, I don't know how to be this girl with a filter. When a man is talking to me and asking me questions, I'm honest, I answer. but then they think I'm only interested in sex or all I care about is one thing - I care about many things. I don't know how to shut myself off and only deliver one side or one part. Every emotion in me is out there. I am who I say I am - and I want someone who loves all of that in me. Like no one is going to meet me and be like "wow she's nothing like she said". I don't know. I'm just feeling incapable of figuring this out.
I have all this confusion in my head, then I go to my parents house, and I see red roses on the table and in the living room. I was like, "aww dad got you flowers?" "yup he did." dad says, "Yea, I thought your mom could use them. I bought them for her cause I just love her." and my mom looks at my dad and then me and goes, "I just love him too." I instantly wanted to vomit and cry all at the same time. I love watching them together and I also want to swiftly bang my head against a wall. These are my rule bearers. These are my standards for the world of love. Two people who likely drive each other nuts at times, but have been married for 42 years this month and would take a bullet for the other in a second. So I make a crack and say, "ugh that's so sweet, no man is buying me flowers! haha". everyone laughs. flash to a couple days after that, and Abby brings me yellow roses. My dad felt bad, cause he thought I felt bad, and figured I deserved to have flowers too. So he bought me roses. I almost cried. See when I talk about what a "man" is, I don't mean the flowers. Well he got flowers so that makes him a man? No. I mean the thoughtfulness. The sensitivity to others. The selflessness of his behavior is what makes him a man. He understands that the smallest gesture can have the greatest impact in someones day or life. It's taking the time to consider another person over what YOU want. That is being a man. My standards are what they are cause I know it exists. Someday I'll find that. I hope. and if not, well, at least I have my toys. HA!
